An Impossible Choice

Scarcity keeps me up at night, I will admit. I remember all the times that day I saw something like ‘limited edition!’ and ‘you’re the lucky 1000th visitor, click here for an iPad!’ and ‘while stocks last!’ and I can’t help but think that I should be looking for these opportunities instead of just having them shoved in my face online. 

Recently it’s all been ‘move underwater, start a new life!’, except I haven’t been able to take advantage of that because you need to be a billionaire. Now I’ve started seeing ads for Church Park: ‘four out of five buyer’s agents around Melbourne say you should move to Church Park, the new premium suburb opening 2020!’

Of course, the sign is telling me that I should do that, but I don’t have the money to move to a fancy suburb, even if it’s true that property advocates are saying I should. I trust buyers advocates just as much as I trust the rest of the world, which is to say that I trust them implicitly and I would follow literally anything they said. But they only check out BIG houses. Big, fancy, special houses that I would never have the money to buy. Now I’m in the awkward position of wanting to spend all of my money on moving to some suburb hours away because a social media ad with a cute dog told me I should, but not being able to actually DO it. Life as a spineless shill can be so hard, you guys. I swear. 

The only thing I can do is spam all of family and friends with these ads, telling them that they should move to a fancy suburb and leave behind everything they ever knew, because buyers agents said that it’s totally okay. I mean, it does look like a nice place. But I suppose I couldn’t live there and underwater in a dome, so I’ll be letting someone down either way.