Clickety-Clack, Guess Who’s Back!

You know, when I finally entered the world, I thought I was going to get a bit more of a reaction. I’m a spooky scary skeleton, a pile of dry bones risen from the grave to rattle and clonk and bring screams to the lips of children. Instead, I get yanked into these ‘Human Classes’, given a hat and long coat and now I’m supposed to learn how to be a normal human again. Which is to say, learn to act like there’s something covering my bones.

Ugh…I want to spook people! It’s what we skeletons are good for! Well, that, and being extras in movies about Greek mythology. Now I’m sitting in a classroom, learning about how to get car repairs done in Hawthorne. Bear in mind that I don’t even have a brain, only empty air, so I don’t know how they expect me to retain information. Plus I don’t have eyes, so I can’t take a driving test. I mean…I can see, and think, but you know what I mean. When I’m going to use the information of the best car servicing in Caulfield, I do not know. 

Maybe if I could learn to drive a car and then use that car to drive around being spooooky then I could understand. I could be spooky in more places each day, which sounds great. But they’re not going to give me a license, because I’m a spooky magical skeleton, which means I can’t drive around scaring children, and so I’ll never need to know where to find the best mechanics because I will not have a car! 

Oh yeah, and those things are expensive. I don’t even have any fingers to work to the bone (heh) in a job, to get money. If I had money, I wouldn’t have a wallet to put it in, nor a place to put a wallet, because I typically don’t wear clothes. 

Oh, I know what they’d say. It’s part of a holistic learning experience, knowing where the best car service garages in Malvern are. It’ll come up in conversation!

Except no one will talk to me…I’m a spooky skeleton. Unless this is a very fetching hat and coat combo.

-Rattles McSkullian